Musings From the Edge: Lynne's Cliff Notes

My last farewell...

I am writing to say my last farewell....hee hee...only to this bloggin program! 

I will no longer be found on Typepad.  My blog is being moved to WordPress and will be placed nice and lovingly onto my website.  So, for those of you who have no idea of what the hell I am talking about, all you need to know is that my blog can be found on my website.

Here is the new address: lynnemorrell.com/blog

I invite you to follow me over there!
I am planning on many cool new additions to my site.  Besides continuing to blog, I am adding videos, more meditations, new classes and fabulous new products! 

So, come on over to my new site and join the fun!

Thanks Typepad for this amazing growth experience called blogging...

See you over at: lynnemorrell.com/blog!

Have a lovely day~

Sound Bites Can Be a Bit....Tricky!

Good Day Everyone~

A few days ago, I came face to face with something that I recently wrote, that was taken COMPLETELY out of context.  My own little sound bite mishap.  Or would it be called a "word bite?"  Anyway...it's hilarious and I just have to share the story with you.

I have been holding back from blogging the last couple of weeks because I am in the middle of redesigning my blog and changing the location of its home.  You see, the last bunch of months I have been busy as a bee creating a new logo, new website and a new design for my blog. 

Everything is getting a make over! 

*Quick note:  When I say "I have been busy as a bee" I really mean that I have hired a great team of folks who have been helping me do all of these things.  Plus a bunch of friends who have had to listen to me go over and over this, that and the other thing to make sure that everything looks pretty and makes sense!

Anyway, I have been taking care of finishing touches to my new website...and I received an email from a woman who found an "oops!" page instead of my website. 

Hmmmmmmm.  That can't be good! 

So, I decided to do a google search with using my name and here is what I found. 

This listing is the 3rd one down when you search my name "Lynne Morrell."

MUSINGS FROM THE EDGE: Lynne's Cliff Notes: The principle took one look at my skirt and said "You have begun to menstruate Lynne. This will happen to you every month.  It is the punishment for being a....."

Talk about a weird sound bite! Or a weird word bite?  Huh...I dunno.

This is from my blog post "Eulogy for a Uterus...Oh, and an Ovary!" 

I was on the phone with my fabulous friend and brilliant web designer Randie, and we were both horrified and couldn't stop laughing.  I didn't know that I could be so embarrassed and think something was so hilarious at the same time! Talk about some dueling emotions!

So, what do I do with this weird sound/word bite that is 3rd down on google when you look up my name? I mean...this is my profession! My career! That line does NOT seem very...professional.  It is pretty funny.  But, taken out of context...maybe it's not so funny.  Maybe it makes me seem crazy.  Maybe it makes me seem ______ (fill in the blank)!

Well, I can't call the press and have a quick interview where I tell all google searchers that this is a line in a blog that is quite and hilarious and was very healing.  And was written the day before my hysterectomy.

I can't delete the link.

I can't call google and say "Um, excuse me?  There seems to be a slight problem with my listings!"

So, as I was rubbing the tears from my eyes and trying to calm the spasms in my tummy from laughing so hard...I realized that there was nothing to do about it....except maybe write a funny blog post!

I have to plug EFT again and say here is more proof of how amazing it works.  If this had happened to me a hand full of time ago...I would have been so embarrassed and freaked out and worried and this, that and the other thing. 

But, not anymore. 

The embarrassment rolled right off of me. 

It lasted for only a tiny moment.

It was replaced by a giggle and then a laugh that continued into the morning and is still being enjoyed as I write this post.

So, what is my point?
I dunno....

Except maybe for those of you who are using EFT...keep going.  It works!  And for those of you who don't...if you feel inspired...check it out!

Also, once we are able to freely flow with our emotional system...there is so much more freedom!   It is so much gentler to navigate this hilariously, embarrassing, challenging, plain ol' hard, joyful thing called life.

Oh...and check out my gorgeous, beautiful new website.  I will be adding tapping videos, more meditations and a fabulous new line of products...very shortly.  Classes will be right around the corner too! 

www.lynnemorrell.com

Also, in a handful of days my blog will be moved to a new location with a lovely new design.

Enjoy your day!

 

The Impermanence of it All!

Greetings Everyone!

I Know that I have this whole flowers a-bloomin', nails a-growing' thing goin' on...not the most intellectual weeks of writing!  But, whaddya gonna do?  Because I have such a flair for finding the common threads within a conversation...and since this morning I broke my favorite coffee cup...I began thinking about the impermanence of it all.

The impermanence of flowers...
The impermanence of nails...
The impermanence of coffee cups...

There are extraordinary paradoxes that show up with impermanence:  The ability to release and move forward towards something new can develop as well as an intense desire to hold on...trying to WILL things to stay.

There is a fine line between these places...a knifes edge. 

Let's take that coffee cup.  I love that coffee cup.  I look forward to pouring my coffee into it every morning.  This morning...for whatever reason, I dropped it...it broke in about 3 places. 

Now, I can choose to glue it all together...because it is bone china and parts of it are white, I will see lines...but, maybe I don't care about that because it is more important that it stays in my life.  Or maybe, I decide to save the pieces...thinking that down the road I will find a way to fix it. Or maybe, I just throw it away...and move on.  Find another favorite cup.

Lots of choices here. 

For some folks, a cup is just a cup...easy to let go of.  So, lets bump up the stakes. 

Some years ago, I had a car, it was about 2 years old...it was all paid for.  My boys and I were sitting in our living room, playing parchessi, when all of a sudden we heard a CRASH-ing sound and all the electricity went out.  We raced outside and looked around to see what happened.  Down at the end of our driveway, a huge oak tree had fallen.  It had decided to fall ON TOP of our car.  Because the tree was enormous....it not only crushed my car, but it also took down electrical wires and the transformer.  There were live electrical wires on the street. 

Since we had no phone...because the power went down, we raced over to our neighbors and they called the fire department.  The rest of the afternoon was spent watching the fire department and PG&E clean the mess up.

The next day, I called my car insurance company, and the neighbor (who "owned" the oak tree) called their insurance company.  In a few weeks both insurance companies determined that this was "an act of God."  I kid you not!!!!  An act of God.  Never had heard of an insurance company using that term before.  I didn't know that insurance companies believed in the Almighty Dude!

About a month later a check came in the mail and we went and bought a used Volvo.

Okay, so...back to impermanence. 

I thought that I was going to own that car until it dropped dead from old age...not at an early age due to a tree crushing it!  We decided to have a brief memorial service for it before it was towed away...we took a couple of pictures and said a few words.  Then off it went...to where ever crushed cars go.

But, with a car...and when you live in the redwoods...ya just gotta move forward.  I HAD to get another car.  The kids had to get to school, I had to get to work...then there is getting to the grocery store, getting to the beach...getting here, there and everywhere!  So...we moved forward.  We acknowledge the impermanence of a car...and decided to buy something used...instead of another new car.

Maybe, for you...a car is just a car... 

How about the impermanence of youth, the impermanence of money, the impermanence of jobs, the impermanence of health, the impermanence of some relationships...the impermanence of houses....on and on we go...the impermanence of today...the impermanence of this moment?

Are we having fun yet?

I am feeling a little dizzy myself!!!
 
Can things ever stay the same?

Can we make things stay the same by our sheer will?

Holding onto something that no longer wants to stay around is the path to suffering.  It hurts...really hurts...to hold on in this way. 

It also hurts to watch it go.

Here is another paradox!

I think that this "truth" is part of what expands our energetic force...it expands our ability for joy...it can also expand our ability for despair...another paradox.

So, as we all bash around in this together...I encourage you to expand your compassion for yourself and for others...this ain't easy for any of us.

Enjoy what you have in the present...I mean REALLY enjoy it! 

Savor...

Breathe in the smells...

Taste deeply...

Touch the extraordinary fabric of this life.

The amazing part is that we all have freewill. This give us a way to choose how we connect with life.  Do you choose to hold tight? Do you choose to open your hands and release...or do you dance in between?

Me?

I dance in between...some times I can release with grace...and other times...depending on what is moving out...I hold on for dear life.

But for now, I am just enjoying my flowers, my pretty nails and as for the coffee cup...it went in the garbage can....to be replaced by a new favorite.

Oh NO...not THESE kind of thoughts!!!

Hello fabulous readers!

I was going to write some more about this, that and the other thing.  I started the posts out with pretty good titles and interesting first sentences.  First, I was going to write more about failures that only exist in our minds.  When that went no where fast, I tried writing about Spiritual Tyranny...great topic..but, again I got distracted.  So, I got up to get another cup of coffee and found out that we are out of half n half...which in my world is REALLY REALLY BAD!!!

So, I sit here with an empty coffee cup, waiting for some brilliant thoughts to land in my little brain...and all my mind can focus on is how pretty my nails look since my surgery. 

I kid you not!

I stop admiring my beautiful long gorgeous nails for a moment...BREATHE.  Focus inward.  COME ON thoughts....lets have something interesting. 

NOPE!
Nothin!!

All I can think about is how pretty my nails look with this pretty soft pink color nail polish I put on yesterday.

Seriously???? 
That's it???? 
Nails? 
Pretty nail color? 
REALLY????

Oh wait!  There's more!  I can't stop admiring how pretty they look as I type on my keyboard. I like the sound they make...click click click...I like how they feel when I type. 

This is TERRIBLE! 

I had made a commitment to myself that I was going to blog at least 4 times this week.  All the books that I have read about writing say that when you feel blocked...write anyway.  So, here I am, with no coffee...writing about my nails.  I am crossing my fingers that if I continue with this that something...something..of interest will come forth and then I can delete all of this crap.

This reminds me of a client that I was working with recently. She said that she was in a meeting of some importance and she couldn't concentrate on the important topic because all her mind could focus on was the fact that the presenters tie was crooked.  She also noticed that his tie didn't quite work with his casual attire.  She started wondering if maybe the tie wasn't even his...he might have borrowed it from his roommate, who found it in the back of his closet.  Her mind went off into this weird world of making up stories about this guy and his tie.

When the meeting was over, people where talking about how great the presentation was.  She mumbled an agreement and slunk off to her desk. She didn't hear any of the presentation...that tie was just too distracting!!!

As I sit here and think about her story...and my nails...my mind flashes to parties that I have been too where the women stand in groups talking about their hair, dresses, and their manicures.  Hmmmmmmm....I used to stand there feeling gawky and goofy hoping to find a way to get out of there.  Could it be that now I would be able to be part of the conversation?
I could say things like:
"Oh I know what you mean...I just LOVE Revlon's new summer palette."
or
"Yes, this IS "sheer blossom" that I am wearing! Is that "Lavender Blush?"

Oh someone shoot me!  PLEASE!!!!!!!!!

This is MADNESS!!!!!

I just knew that laying around recovering from this surgery would somehow push me over the edge.  I have finally lost my mind.  I have no interesting thoughts left.  They are all GONE!!!

Ah well, I am getting hungry for breakfast.  Guess I can go enjoy watching my pretty nails glisten while I make some eggs and toast.

Sorry.
I got nothin else!

It Has a Mind of It's Own!

G'Day folks! 

I am feeling a bit crazy this morning so you might want to read someone else's blog...or I guess you could stay for a good giggle!

Well, after yesterday's lilac sniffin', vase filling, spring twirling...I sat down and thought..."whew I am pooped."  After resting a bit...I got busy working.  At 7:00pm, I finished my last call and noticed that the walls were moving in a funny kind of way.  Not a cool flash back kind of way...but, a "uh-oh, I think I did too much today!" kind of way.

So, I laid down and opened my new Country Living magazine...and that is all I remember.  Out like a light.  I kind of remember my fella coming home and chatting for a bit...but, I think I mumbled something and headed off to bed.  I think!!!!  All I know, is that this morning I woke up in bed. 

Because I am who I am...
A fantastic magical thinker...
I really thought that I would be recovered from this surgery by now.  I mean...COME ON!!!! It has been 3 1/2 weeks.  I thought that my sheer joy of feeling better would just heal me in super sonic speed!!!  I thought that the relief of knowing that all my health challenges are cleared up would propel my cute body to heal faster than the speed of sound!  I thought that if I meditate everyday, burn candles, journal, do some art...stand on my head...oh, wait...I can't stand on my head yet...I thought that I would be feeling energized and fabulous.

Well, that ain't happening!  At least not in the way that I WANT!!!!

Now, I am not saying that my body isn't doing a fantastic job healing...it is! We just have some disagreements on the speed with which this is happening.  I want it done yesterday...actually, last week would have been nice...but, my body is on a whole different time frame.  It doesn't seem to care what I want.  It just smiles at me....and shoves me down on to the couch. 

I am not fond of being pushed around in this way!!!! It stirs up my inner rebel.  Not a good reaction in this situation.

When I woke up this morning, I could still feel the internal need to rest.  STILL!!!! So, on the heals of that  body wisdom...came this other voice...not so wise...saying: "Are you kidding me?  Still?  What the hell is going on here?"

After a bit of a...let's just call it what it was...a TEMPER TANTRUM...I ran out of steam.  My body smiled at me...and shoved me down on to the couch.  Here I lay.  Too tired to fuss.  Too tired to kick and scream.  Too tired to argue.  Just plain too tired!

There is nothin' to DO about this.  NOTHIN!!! 
I have tried to guilt my body into submission.
I have tried to shame my body into submission.
I have tried ignoring my body...thinking maybe if I ignore the exhaustion...it will go away!
Well, you can guess how well THAT worked!

My body just pleasantly smiles at me...and shoves me down on to the couch. It is not fazed by my fussiness.  It doesn't seem to be upset at anything.  It seems to have a mind of its own.  A clarity.  A clear focus that has NOTHING to do with my mere mortal desires.

I lay back on the couch...feeling resigned. My choices are few.  I can continue to fuss about or I can shut up and listen. 

Because I am so exhausted...I have decided to shut up and listen.

I ask my body: "What can I do to support you?"
My body smiles at me with such compassion and love.

At that moment, my fella walks into the room with my Country Living magazine and asks if I would like to rest and look at pretty stuff. 

Nice!

"Sure" I say. "Thanks! Your timing is amazing!"

I lay back and open to the article on Peonies.  My mind begins to dream of the Peonies that will bloom in a few weeks in my garden. 

All is well. 

Everything blooms in its own time...even me!
 

An Explosion of Spring!

Happy Spring!

According to the calendar, Spring has already started.  But, since moving to Colorado....it seems like Spring doesn't really start until the lilacs come into bloom. Sure the crocus, daffodils, and hyacinth have already graced us with their beautiful blooms...but, for me, there is something about lilacs.

I am a "more the merrier" kind of babe.  I don't just plant one clump of bulbs...I plant a gazillion clumps of bulbs.  I don't just paint one wall purple...I have to paint all 4 walls purple...then I have to add some purple pillows for good measure.  Happily, the family who first owned our house, lived by this same exuberance because they planted lilac bushes all along the property line.  Our property is about a half and acre.  That is a lot of lilac bushes!

Years later, I enjoy an explosion of Spring with these gorgeous shrubs.  I love that they bloom, seemingly all at once.  I get out my clippers every morning, and clip as many blooms as I can, and place them all around the house.  Every bouquet is a delight for me.  I show each one to my fella, saying "Smell this...isn't this amazing???"  He graciously smells them and says "Absolutely!"  He is so sweet!  Really, he doesn't notice a difference from one clump of lilacs to another...but, he likes that I am excited and plays along anyway:)

This morning, I gathered my first clump of lilacs of the season.  They are not quite ready for greedy consumption...but, I can't help taking a small nibble.  If I had a ladder handy, I would have been able to get those ones heading for the sun...but since I am a mere 5'9..and a half...I could only gather what was in my reach. Just enough to fill a couple small vases...enough to satisfy me for today. In a few days though...I will be able to gather armfuls!

Another part of this joyful explosion of Spring, is that our dog Elly will smell like lilacs.  She runs along the bottom of the bushes as she chases bunnies, and mice and whatever else scurries around our yard.  After these mad dashes she comes into the house smelling wonderful.  I love to lay next to her, in our sunspot, and enjoy how good she smells.

These are moments of sheer joy for me.  To be replaced in a few weeks with something else.  These moments are not  meant to last...they flow through. I might be bummed for a moment or two when I enjoy the last of the lilac blooms....wishing that they lasted just one more day...

But wait..

The peonies are about to bloom.  Oh, I love peonies!  I love to gather the flowers and put them in vases all over my house.  They smell so wonderful...and the colors are gorgeous; a variety of pinks and white!

On and on it goes...

moment to moment...

day to day...

season to season...

the simple and explosive joys of life!

How cool is that!!!!!!!

Failure Virgins

Hello there Dudes and Dudettes!

Yesterday, I was chatting with a friend of mine.  She is quite brilliant. I am not being polite here!  She is over the top smart.  Sometimes I wonder what she is doing slumming around with me...but that is a totally different blog topic!

Anyhow, she has decided to go back to school. Oh, I forgot to mention that not only is she ubber smart, she is also one of the bravest people I have ever known.  Okay, so back to the school thing! This program is all about testing out of the classes.  You study for the class on your own, then you take a test.  Well, for someone like her...this is a great thing.  For someone like me....It would be death for sure!!!!

So, yesterday she was practicing taking some tests for a 6 unit class.  6 UNITS!!!!  I called her up:

Me: "How is the testing going?"

Her: "Oh my godddddd..I failed the test!"

Me: "Didn't you just start studying?"

Her:  "I doesn't matter!  I FAILED the test!"

I thought she was kidding in her anxiety about this because she had just started studying and it was a 6 UNIT class...to be completed in this one test!

Me: (laughing): "Well, that's OK.  You will do better the more you practice!"

Her:  "You don't understand!  I FAILED!!!"

At this point...I got it!  She is a "Failure Virgin."  She has never failed at anything.  She is brilliant at everything she decides she wants to do.  I, on the other hand...am pretty much of a "failure slut!"  I have failed so many times, that I have come to think of this tendency as part of my learning curve.

We chatted for a bit longer and then she had to go back to her test taking...I had to go back to resting from uterine removal surgery!  As I was laying there, thinking about our conversation, I started wondering if there was any place in my life where I was a Failure Virgin?  What experiences of "not succeeding" had shocked me? When had I ever been thrown to the ground by failing at something I thought I was brilliant at?

OUCH!  Got one! 

OWWWWW Got another! 

YIKES!  Remembered some more. 

Okay...I got it!! 

My shocking failures tend to be around relationships.  When a relationship with a friend does not last FOREVER, I am shocked.  You see, I am good at relationships!  I love friendships, I love my relationship with my kids, I love my relationship with my fella, I love my relationship with my clients.  These are some of my greatest joys. I have had a few friendships go sour.  Sometimes due to my own crap.  A couple of times due to the other persons stuff.  No matter how they ended...I had this feeling of shock.  Like: "This is impossible! I am so good at friendships...how could this happen???"

Well, this is definitely when I feel like a virgin...a Relationship Failure Virgin!

So, brilliant readers, in what area of your life are you a "Failure Virgin?"

What did you tell your self that failure meant about you?

Were you able to pick yourself up and continue to forge ahead?

If so, what happened next?

If not, what did you decide to do?

In our culture failure if a bad 7 letter word.  It means that some how you didn't TRY hard enough, or want it bad enough!  What if we took the judgment out of failure.  What if we could enjoy being failure sluts? 

Hmmmmmmmm...interesting.

 
...this moment has been brought to you by "Failures Anonymous."

Have a Fab-o-Rama day!

Back in the Saddle Again!

Hello there!

I am back...not totally back.  But, back enough.  Who knew that having major surgery would take such a long time to recover from?  Obviously...not me!  You see, I live in a very optimistic inner world (or should I say delusional?).  Hmmmmm...I wonder!

Anyway, in this optimistic world, anything is possible.  After surgery, I felt so much better (yes, you are reading that correctly), I thought that I would be able to get back to work in a week.  Forget that I could barely stand up.  Forget that I could barely sit up.  Forget that I could not really do much of anything except lay on the couch and take percocet...by the handfuls!  In my delusional mind, I would be up and embracing the world in a week.

Well, that DID NOT happen. 

Now, it is week 2 since the surgery and I am feeling absolutely dandy.  I can stand.  I can sit. I can focus.  I can string words together in a coherent sentence (sort of!) and I yesterday, I tried to twirl around.  Well, that did not work so well...but, it's something to look forward too:) I am so excited to be back working and writing. 

World Domination is right around the corner...at least in my optimistic/delusional mind:)

Bye for now~

Eulogy for a Uterus...oh and an Ovary!

Hello there fabulous folks!

I know I said that I was going to write about my feelings and such regarding my upcoming surgery but, I have had so many of them that I didn't know where to start.  I am having lots of opposing feelings...lots of relief and sadness.  Some grief and some celebration.

So, without further ado, I have decided to write a eulogy for my Uterus...oh and my Ovary!

I shake my head and wonder, why the hell am I sad about these organs being gone?  I mean, this has truly been an abusive relationship.  If you even want to call this a relationship. When we first met, it was in 6th grade.  I had gone to the bathroom at St. Isadore's and noticed that there was blood in the toilet.  I thought someone had been hurt!  Then, I noticed this horrible red stain on the back of my blue plaid skirt. 

I went back to the office completely confused and mortified.  The principle took one look at my skirt and said "You have begun to menstruate Lynne, this will happen to you every month.  It is the punishment for being a woman!" 

Then she called my mom. 

When my mom got to the school, she brought me a change of clothes and gave me this huge weird thing that I was told to put between my legs. She then told me to go back to class.

Back to class!!!!!!  Are you kidding me????  Everyone will know when I walk in wearing pants and all the other girls have their plaid blue skirts on!

"This will happen to you every month for a long long time...you had better get used to it!!" said my mom

As she drove off, I was wondering what she meant.  Was I going to stain my clothes every month?  Have that awful pain every month?  What?  What?  What was going to happen every month??? Hello???

You see, at that time, in a Catholic school, they wanted to make sure girls knew absolutely NOTHING about their body's...and if anything weird happened in their body's, the nuns made sure that we all knew it was because we had somehow sinned. 

I spent the next few days trying to figure out what I had done wrong to cause THIS!  After awhile of pondering, I got bored and figured the sin was that I couldn't figure out the sin! 

So, this was my first awareness of my uterus.  Lots of pain and total embarrassment...oh and somehow the ultimate sin of a woman!  Great!!!!  Nice to meet you!!!!!

As the years went by and I got to know this part of my anatomy, we became sort of distant friends.  If I missed the monthly visit, I became terrified that I might be pregnant. Mother Mary got pregnant and she hadn't had sex!  And hey, I was blond haired and blue eyed, like the statue in church...it might happen to me!  God seemed to visit lots of young women.  Later, I started fearing God was kind of a perve...but, that is another blog!

I remember the first time that my Uterus was kind to me. It was during the pregnancy of my first son.  It did everything to keep him safe and cozy. When it was time, it released him into the world all beautiful and sweet.  By the time I was pregnant with my second son, I must admit, I took my uterus for granted.  It did not seem to mind this because it brought my second son into the world all beautiful and sweet.

After this brief affair, everything went down hill....the second honeymoon was over.  I never knew when it would show up and if it did, it was cranky and long winded.  We fought, I cried, and when it would leave, I would feel exhausted and drained.

Tomorrow, I say goodbye to these body parts.  They will go wherever these things go after they are surgically removed!  And I will go my own way.  Free from pain.  Free from conflict.  Free from all that this relationship has entailed. 

So....good bye Uterus and left Ovary. 
Its been REAL!
Thanks for keeping my sons safe and cozy.  I will never forget you for that. 

If you decide to look down on me, from up in Uterine heaven...I will be the one twirling and dancing about.

 

Clearing Clutter

Hello there!

I hope you had a lovely weekend.  We had a gorgeous day here.  Sunny, warm, a slight breeze...birds a singin'...bunnies a hoppin'...people a rompin'!

As spring stirs the air, my thoughts go towards clearing clutter.  Cleaning out drawers, closets (except the scary one in my office), and the garage.  Anything that we no longer use or need is brought in front of the tribunal (my fella) for approval.  He is a pack rat, and since I clear clutter all willy nilly...he has made the request that I ask him before I chuck all of his crap. 

WHATEVER!!!!!   
*The arguing that happens during this time is for another blog...or maybe not.  Cuz really, I am RIGHT and he is WRONG...nuf said!


Anyway, I have been clearing other clutter as well.  Physical clutter.  I went to the dentist.  Had my annual...which has not happened annually at all!  Got my eyes checked.  All sorts of this-s and that-s.  I also made the decision to have a particular procedure to help a particular problem.

You see along with my one health blip, there is another health blip.  I have always thought that they were in cahoots together...little did I know how true that was.  I have Endometriosis.  Every handful of years, I go and and get a procedure done that seems to help quiet the symptoms. 

Recently, the symptoms have gotten really bad so I made an appointment to see the doctor. Patting myself on the back for taking care of this...I go in for an ultra sound.  Not the "on the belly" ultra sound.  The other one!  After the ultra sound, I met with the doctor.

"Hmmmmmm, this is not looking so good." says the doctor
"Uh, ok.  Whaddya mean?"  says me
"Well, you have a couple of cysts on your right ovary, and from the sounds of your symptoms your endometriosis has gotten worse.  It has moved into your uterine wall." Says the doctor

At this point she begins to tell me that endometriosis can travel. 
What does that mean?  Like it packs its bags and heads to Maui?  Uh NO!  It heads for various organs, or heads to the lungs...or the legs...whatever internal destination that sounds good. 

"So what does this all mean?"  says me
"It means that your endormetriosis is traveling..." says the doctor
"Well, the laperoscopy will fix that.  Right?" says me
"Uh...no!  I recommend that you have a hysterectomy."  says the doctor
"A hyster-who?" asks me
"A hysterectomy.  I will take that right ovary that has been giving you so much trouble too."

'Oh, and we need to do a biopsy right now to make sure this isn't cancer."  says the doctor.

Well, this was turning out to be a really bad trip to the gynecologists office!

After the biopsy...which was super owie powie...we discussed my "options."  "Options" was a very loose term.  There really isn't much else to do.  The other interesting thing about all of this is that when I told her about my other health blip and began describing my symptoms, she said:
"Those symptoms aren't IC.  Those are all due to the advancement of the endometriosis.  Once we do this procedure, those symptoms will be gone."

Gone?

Like...forever?

Like...I could get my life back and not have anymore pain.  Like...I could be free of all the pressure...and the shooting pains, and the horrible periods that last for an eternity?  Like...I could be done with all of this?

WOW!

So, without furthur ado....I said "Yes.  OK. Can you do it tomorrow?"

Since then, that was on Thursday, I have been cycling between excitement and tears.  Who knew that spring cleaning would entail getting rid of a uterus and one ovary?  Huh.  Talk about clearing clutter!

I talked to my fella about it.

My fella: "Well, you don't need your uterus anymore.  Right?"

Me:  "How about we cut off your left testicle.  Cuz, you don't really need that right?"

He quickly shut up!

Guys just don't get it.

I am not really sure why I feel sad about this...but, I do. 

Hey, this uterus housed both of my boys.  It has been with me through thick and thin.  I don't know.  It just seems weird that it will be gone.  Just like that!  And because I am who I am, I keep wondering what she will do with "it."  Does the uterus and ovary get thrown away?  Is there a special uterus garbage can?  Does the uterus go to uterus hell...cuz it has been really BAD?  All questions that probably will be never answered.  Cuz I ain't gonna ask.  Cuz that is just too weird!

I will share my thoughts and feelings over the next few weeks as I have the surgery and then afterwords.  I am doing this to offer support to anyone who is going through this.  It is a pretty trippy thing...at least for me! 

Talk to you soon~